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Vaginal Davis is available for bookings to introduce film screenings.

Vaginal Davis Filmography of Features and Shorts

2013: Marta und Hilda, Rosa von Praunheim
2013: She Said Boom-The Story of Fifth Column directed by Kevin Hegge
2012: The Lollipop Generation, directed by GB Jones
2012: The Dream of Norma, directed by Telemachos Alexiou
2011: Advocate for Fagdom, directed by Angelique Bosio
2010: The Bad Breast or the Strange Case of Theda Lange, directed by Bruce LaBruce
2009: DeRohan Chabot Series written and directed by Vaginal Davis starring Christophe DeRohan Chabot, cinematography & editing Marc Arthur
2008: Rote Insel written and directed by Vaginal Davis, cinematography and editing Tim Blue
2007: Cheese Endique Trifecta written and directed by Vaginal Davis, cinematography & editing Cyril Kuhn
2005: CHEAP Rumourville written, directed and acted by Vaginal Davis, edited by Ruth Schönegger, photographed by Tim Blue
2004: Wo Ist Manfred? written directed and acted by Vaginal Davis, photographed by Cyril Kuhn
2001: Berlin Stories written directed acted by Vaginal Davis, photographed by Daniel Hendrickson
Frau Unter Einfluss written directed acted by Vaginal Davis with Susanne Sachsse and Jorg Weisbrot
The Other Newest One written directed acted by Vaginal Davis with Susanne Sachsee and Jorg Weisbrot
Granpa Sam written, directed and acted by Vaginal Davis with Marc Siegel
Le Petite Tonkinoise written, directed and acted by Vaginal Davis with Susanne Sachsse, Richard & Salome Gersh and Achmed Berger
1999: The White To Be Angry (actor/writer/director)
1999: May I Be Your Bratwurst directed by Rosa Von Praunheim. Also starring Jeff Stryker.
1999: Stinger (short subject) directed by Adele Bertei-Cecchi. Also starring Jennifer Tilly
1999: Hallelujah! Ron Athey: A Story of Deliverence directed by Catherine Gund
1998: Hustler White directed by Bruce La Bruce and Rick Castro
1997: Live Nude Girls directed by Juliana Lavin
1996: Wax Does Hollywood (TV/HBO/BBC)Directed by Ruby Wax
1996: One Man Ladies(actor/director)
1995: Tales of the City(TV Mini-Series/PBS)
1995: VooDoo Williamson, The Dona of Dance(actor/writer/director)
1994: Designy Living (actor/writer/director)
1994: Super 8 1/2 directed by Bruce La Bruce
1994: Three Faces of Women (actor/writer/director)
1993: Fertile La Toyah Jackson Video Magazine Kinky Issue(writer/actor/producer)
1993: The Making of the Lollipop Generation(actor, writer director)
1992: Fertile La Toyah Jackson Video Magazine -- premiere Issue (writer/actor/producer)
1991: The Devils Daughter (writer/actor/director)
1990: Dot (writer/actor/director)
1989: Three Beautiful Women (writer/actor)
1987: Fertile's Last Dance (actor/writer/producer)

The White To Be Angry

Vaginal Davis' movie "The White To Be Angry" screened at The Directors Guild Theater as part of Outfest 99 along with the premiere of Bruce La Bruce's latest transgressive epic Skin Flicks aka: Gang of Four Skins. "The White To Be Angry" had its premier at "SEXUAL REPULSIVES--A NIGHT OF STICKY ICKY FILMS" at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza.

Forget about American History X, The White To Be Angry is Davis' definitive declaration on race and class in the US of A. Helping Davis along are her mainstream admirers Woody Allen and Clive Barker. Plus Davis' crony Bruce La Bruce in a remake of his classic "No Skin Off My Ass" and Warhol's youngest superstar and pop darling Beck's mom--Bibbi Hansen--makes her comeback in The White To Be Angry. All this with a soundtrack by homosexy legends PME recorded in Chicago by legendary noisemeister Steve Albini(Nirvana, PJ Harvey)

Vaginal Davis' film The White to be Angry was shown in Australia with Skin Flick at Queer Screen festival in Sydney, Australia on February 22nd, 2000.

Stills from The White to be Angry

Still photos from the set of Vaginal Davis' film The White to be Angry.

White to be Angry screened in New York and Toronto

The White to be Angry premiered in New York and Toronto in November 1999 at the Mix Festival as part of the program Cracker. The Canadian Police and Censor Board showed up at the sold-out Toronto screenings, which shocked the morals of the entire country.

Vaginal Davis film reviews

Two thumbs up your bunghole: Vaginal Davis reviews films.

Ms. Davis is a noted and award winning experimental filmmaker and critic. Her views are revered by millions. Some of her films are even in the permanent collection of the Whitney Museum of Art. Now that says something about her talent, so if she says something is hot you best believe she knows whats she's talking about dingbat!

A Mighty Wind - From the makers of Waiting for Guttman and This is Spinal Tap (both films i've never seen-how is it i missed them?), from beginning to end i was utterly enchanted. Special shoutout to the great Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy as the reunited folk duet. They were so ill it was really touching. Also Ms. Parker Posey and her pie face was the ultimate ca-chew! It all comes together so effortlessly and the small touches and tone can't compare. The toothy, nelly filipino as one of the New Main Street Singers really had me busting a gnut.

The Hours-I'm liking Meryl Streep again, after years of hating her serious actress guts. With Adaptation and this film and the fact she's in that wonderful change of life age, its given her texture and shading I've never seen before. When she loses it in the kitchen I was screaming with delight. How many times have we witnessed the reality of that? Oh and Julianne Moore's look in her eye when you know she just wants to slug that bratty kid of hers who grows up to become Mrs. AIDS victim Ed Harris. Oh and I'd go lesbiana for Toni Collette too! And lets not forget The Kidman as I now call her. She's grown into Joanne Woodward, and those are nice slides to fill.

Russian Ark-Scintilizing is the only way I can describe this 4 reeler. I have to go back a second time just to see my favorite Napoleanic era Russian hot shot soldier boys bursting out of way too tight pantaloons and jack boots.

Nicholas Nickelby-That sweet little Jamie Bell (Billy Eliott) can make a giraffe cry. Too bad he and Charlie Humman in the title role find out that they are cousins, oh welp they can still be kissing cousins because their romance is hotter than the one Chucky has with dewey eyed ingenue Anne Hathaway. Fine supporting cast including Christopher Plummer, Jim Broadbent, Alan Cummings and Dame Edna. The only sour note is perpetual showboater Nathan Lane being very Robin Williams.

Vagón Fumador (Smokers Only) - Gritty titty Argentinian film by Veronica Chen concerning a Kathleen Hanna lookalike punkette singer (Cecilia Bengolea) in a dismal band who obsesses over a lanky rollerblading taxi boy (Leonardo Brezicki). Ms. Chen has been watching too many Greg Araki films and since this movie's distributor is Strand Releasing I can see why Marcus Ho, I mean Hu has rallied round its flag. The premise is somewhat interesting but somehow tone and focus never click (thats always been my main crit of Mr. Araki's work). Ms. Chen should go back to making short films, she's not quite ready for features.

Broadway Rhythm (At LACMA afternoon matinee series) - Little piece of fluff from 1944 starring actor turned politico George Murphy and the whore of Louis B. Mayer Ginny Simms. It's a very loose reworking of the Jerome Kern musical Very Warm for May, and in reality is the last in the series of Broadway Melody films. MGM had more stars then there were in the heavens but they were also very cornpone and really hokey with a capital H. I only wanted to see it because of my fav underated 40s starlet Gloria DeHaven, who is a redhead in this technicolor dream. Her hair must have wound up so fried by the mid 50s. She was always a different color in almost every movie she made, usually relegated to playing someone's kid sister (Judy Garland, June Allyson, or Glen Ford in Scene of the Crime where she's an unwed mother who has an abortion). My fav DeHaven flick is Three Little Words where she plays her own mother Mrs. Carter DeHaven. Nancy Walker, who Metro really didn't know what to do with, does her usual ugly duckling bit and sings a novelty "Milkman Keep those Bottles Quiet." I loved seeing cute dork Kenny Bowers who was also in Best Foot Forward, but of course never got much of a film career. With all the mugging he does, in the Mickey Rooney school of rubber face it's no wonder. Also nice turns from Charles Winneger, Lena Horne, Hazel Scott, Rochester, and some very sexually provacative contortionists named the Ross Sisters who I'm surprised they got through the censors. Aren't I a source of useless trivia?

El Crimen de Padre Amaro - Gael Garcia Bernal can do no wrong even if he gets a cute chica preggers and she winds up dead after a botched abortion. At least she had the thrill of her young life enjoying his uncut cheesy chorizo -- a couple of blissful gropings in a smelly shanty.

Talk to Her-Only Almodovar, a former drag queen punk rocker, could get away with a homomodern love story complexly interwoven through two comatose women. It doesn=E2=80=99t get any more geniustrata, but then add Pina Bauch and Geraldine Chaplin and it does.

Frida-Finally got to see Julie Taymor's Kahlo telenovella and I have to admit I was impressed. Alfred Molina and La Selma really shine. My only complaint is that little gorgeous Diego Luna should have more screen time.

Ararat-From the Canadian director who made The Sweet HereAfter. I really loved the cute curly haired Armenian Boy named Rafi played by David Arpay. What a hot chest. I know he's not really Armenian because he would have a hairy back. Even Armenian women have hairy backs. I thought this movie was going to be a downer, but it wound up being very uplifting, considering its about that up topic of genocide. Christopher Plummer make amends for being in the Sound of Music with this film.

8 Mile-Finally saw it. What took me so long? After interviewing Eminem a while back and not having seen his movie i felt really dumb. But fortunately he didn't care. The boy is really Yummy in this flick. I'd love to be his cum dumpster. I can't wait till the day that LA winds up looking like Detroit.

Chicago-That Catherine Zeta was giving Liza with a Z eyes and Carol Channing rubber face---she was all over the place yet it worked, and i still adored her. Rene with the funnylast name is also incredible especially in the Roxie Hart Lady From Shangai House of Mirrors and puppet production numbers. The director Rob Marshall ain't no Stanley Donen, but who is? Extra sclars for Queen Latifah as a dyky doodle prison matron with lacivious eyes.

Adaptation - Never saw Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze's Being John Malkovich. Like Robin Williams I find it difficult to watch anything with John Malkovich in it. I almost didn't see this movie because I can't handle Nicolas Cage either, but I'm glad I got over my prejudices. Nick is fantasic, and so is Meryl Streep, an actress that  I've hated forever, but in this movie its like seeing her for the first time. I've also had issue with Spiegel heiress little Missy Spike Jonze who is now married to Sophia Coppola, but when I knew him he was a fag editor with Dirt Magazine the lil bros of Sassy Mag with a hot washboard ab'd beau named Ke'. Oh welpsis let me give him a break. I noticed in the credits that KK Barrett of the Screamers is the Production Designer, and he definitely deserves some kudos.

Real Women Have Curves-America Ferrera is my new heroine and I don't need to tell you how much I adore Lupe Oleveridos (Hope I spelled her name right) Ms. O brightens any film project she is in. And who is the cute white boy that America gets de-virginized by? I want him and also the chico that plays her guitar strumming cousin. Aye!

Far From Heaven - Hot Toddy Haynes does it again. I can't say enough good things about this flick. Velvet Goldmine was fantastic no matter what anyone tells you, and it just gets better here. Julianne Moore once again his muse needs to win a few awards for her performance and so does Dennis Quaid and Dennis Haybert. Whats with the two Dennis' eh?  Everything is handled with such care and the right tone and touch that the subltety may go over the heads of those who crave constant action action action, but that is what makes this movie so sensational and such a loving tribute to the geniustrata that was the great Douglas Sirk whose 1950 film All That Heaven Allows this film is loosely a remake of. Haynes takes his cues from Fassbinder and then dabs a quammy on it.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets-Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed how Kenneth Branagh has aged 30 years. He looks as old as Richard Harris, and may i mention what a fop he is. This is one scary film for children. I don't care for kids, but I wouldn't bring my worse enemies brat to see this movie. Narrowly escaping death at every hair pin is not my recipe for good time olde fashion family entertainment.

Tuck Everlasting - I'd sure love to live forever with Jonathan Jackson, but not Sissy Spacek. Alexis Bedel from TV's Gilmore Girls drama is a raving beauty and one young ingenue who has starina written all over her.

The Rules of Attraction - Speaking of TV stars. James Van Der Forehead gives good evil in this movie. His love scene with the sweater queen didn't have much sploosh though. It would have been great if he and Fred Savage of Wonder Years fame got down in brick and mortar. Little Mr. Savage has quite the Breslaur so I've heard.

PunchDrunkLove - P.T. Bailey or P.T. Anderson. You be the judge and juret. I've never been a fan of Adam Sandler but the combo of him and Emily Watson was just perfect and all the things I liked about Magnolia and Boogie Nights came together here in a major Ms. Genius way. Like Mulholland Drive it's LA cautionary.

Minority Report - Little tiny Ms. Tomatha Cruise, has a tight dimunitive body and she knows how to get the best impact from it. Sometimes she's a little high note Susie, but thats forgiveable because after all she is a major star in the heavenly firmament, and her cousin Steven Spielberg isn't going to let you forget that---not for one New York minute. The most interesting part of the movie is the pre-cognitives. I wanted to know more about them and less of little Nelly Kelly running around escaping from the Orwell authorities.

Le Chateau - I hated the movie Jesse Peretz directed in 1997 called "First Love, First Rites" with Scientology babe Giovanni Ribisi and Natasha Gregson Wagner(Natalie Wood's daughter). This film is much better, because of the fine performances from real life salt n pepper lovers Paul Rudd and Romany Malco who play adopted brothers here. I never fully believed the sibbling shtick---having the actors constantly bickering doth not the bros johnson make, but they did come off more as very good friends, which says something i guess. The standout in this little film is french actress Sylvie Testud.

Star Wars Attack of the Clones - i really didn't want to see this film, but i was forced into it by a friend who is a Star Wars fanatic and couldn't believe i was invited to a screening and didn't want to go. Like the last episode The Phantom Menace everything looks like a cartoon, and i'm not a big admirer of animation, i guess i'm one of the few people in the world who hate Disney. But watching this movie i kept hoping that Ewan McGreggor would show that juicy big cock of his and perhaps fuck little nelly Hayden Christianson. As far as romance goes even if Natalie Portman whipped out her big cock and fucked Hayden it would have been more interesting.

Pumkin - I've always loved Christina Ricci. She is consistently amazing. And in this new film directed by Adam Larson Broder and Tony Abrams she shines. Christina recently has lost too much weight and is looking too typical hollywood ingenue. She needs to start eating again and bring back the old Christina but this gallows humour comedy is a gem. New comer Hank Harris who plays the retarded boy is my new hot husband that i want to sit on my face and my good girlfriend Dominque Swain is also very ripe for the picking. The Bourne Identity-Matt Damon and my german gal pal Franka Potenta don't really ignite much sparks in this entertaining thriller, but Matt is certainly becoming quite the Matt Inee Idol. He needs to do more movies in the Ian McGreggor variety where he strips down and shows that tight white body and big willis.

Murder By Numbers - I hate Sandra Bullock(not as much as Meg Ryan but almost). To my chagrin I wound up liking her in this film. When she puts the mack daddy move on sexy English nellie Ben Chaplin i was gagging from the hot hoot of it. The true star of this caper is Ryan Gosling. I couldn't keep my eyes off the boy. He's also sensational in The True Believer playing a saucy jewish Nazi skinhead. Ryan Gosling has the makings of a major thrombone and i can't wait to get caught sleeping with him.

Panic Room - Oh Jodie! Kudos for casting your new baby dyke girlfriend to play your daughter. I remember when i first met you in 1975 at the opening of the Famous Amos Cookie store on Sunset. You were the dad and your mom was playing mom. History does have a strange habit of repeating itself.

[ webmeister Larry-bob has to get all Siskel and put in his two cents: What's with Jodie always being the mom in an Alien remake? It's like she's the dyke Michael Jackson or something, re-living childhood star trauma in public. Isn't therapy cheaper and less embarassing?

My take on Panic Room was that it was a thriller with training wheels -- they had things set up so that nothing really bad was going to happen, no nubile virgins to be knifed, Forrest Whitaker a big teddy bear burglar. Totally predictable. That daughter was Macaulay Culkin, though, in Home Alone 4 or 5.]

Rain-(Subtitle: The Summer of '72): Amazing sprouting of age film from New Zealand director Christine Jeffs (Stroke) Starring Alicia Fulford-Wierzbicki as quite the prococious child. I don't blame her for getting horn pig for hairy chested Marton Csokas. I was hoping he would do me a favor with some full frontal nudity but that just wasn't the case. The man does have some fine erect bullet nipples.

Forty Days and Forty Nights - Josh Hartnett and the other fine looking young white boy actors of his ilk are only good for one thing according to my handsome black butch realness friend Ernest Hardy, a noted film critic and cultural theorist and that is being NEKKID. So Josh stop trying to act and just remove all your clothing. 40 Days would have been a much better talking picture.

Y Tu Mama - Director Alphonso Cuaron is my hot latin papi. I love him. He can titty fuck me all night long and leave me with a pearlie May necklace. Ditto for his young tino ingenues Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal.

Queen of the Damned - I'm hardly an Anne Rice fan, but i found this film adaptation to be very entertaining. Stuart Townsend gives a great big dick arrogance portrayal of a vamp Brandon Lee, "The Crow" rock star. I sure wouldn't kick Stuart out of bed, i wish they could have shown more down and dirty between him and Vincente Perez. Their pairing is sizzling with sexual tens. Poor real undead girl Aaliyah though billed second is almost nowhere to be found, which is a shame she does have star presense, something that flickered in her rock videos but was never fully realized----one reason being that she was devoted to these two black queens who did her hair and make-up, and they always did it badly (never blending-young pretty girls don't really need that much make-up). Why can't Black divas get a good face beater?

Royal Tenenbaums-I love Wes Anderson. He and i will soon get married. Perhaps Luke Wilson will steal me away from Wes, but i doubt it. This movie is brilliant. I can't say enough good things about it. Gene Hackman is as always pure genius and Anjelica Houston is the most gorgeous woman working in film today. She deserves an Oscar for breathing.

Storytelling - Todd Solendz has done it AGAIN. He's such the modern G.W. Pabst, its scary. Leo Fitzpatrick as the Cerebral Palsy victim made me want to jump his skinny bones. I even liked Selma Blair and i usually hate her in everything. What more can i say, but Nigger, Fuck Me Hard!

The Fluffer- Richard Glatzer and Wash West's joint venture is puzzling. Its starts off fine with some on target comic portrayals from top notch veterans like Robert Walden(Lou Grant) Taylor Negron and others, but when it tried to turn serious the shift in tone just didn't work. Like Glatzer's Grief the courtroom sequences were incredible but the true life part dealing with a partner who died of Mrs AIDS just didn't connect. In Grief it seemed like Richard wasn't wanting to take it far enough and reveal too much of the personal, and hey if you're going to hold back why bother going there at all, as if a purely comical film wouldn't have had enough substance. In Fluffer the muscle Maria lead actor is very hot in that soap opera studkin way, his acting was also pretty believable, and the girl who plays his stripper fiance is also credible, but the lead with the plucked eyebrows was irritating. As a filmmaker myself, i realize how hard it is to make a movie, and being acquainted with both Richard and Wash I really wanted to like this flick and with Wash first hand experience in the porn world this could have been amazing, but i can't recommend it.

Orange County-I love tenacious D's Jack Black. I hope he becomes a romantic lead. I believe in supporting chubbsters. Colin Hanks, Tom's cute kid is also very dreamy in a skinny white boy sortof way. This picture is my guilty pleasure.

Apocalypse, Now-Redux - Should be called Apocalypse, WOW!!!! I haven't seen this film since it was released in 1979 which is hard to believe is some 22 years. Age before Swine! I loved it then and i love it even more now with the extra added footage. It sure was funny seeing former Contempory Artist Space Hollywood doorman Lawrence Fishbourne and my former trick from 1980, Sam Bottoms who sucked on my titties behind a parked car in a driveway off of Robertson Blvd near Beverly.

The Deep End - Tilda Swinson, my favorite actress in the whole wide world should get an Oscar, a Tony, an Emmy, a Grammy and a Soul Train Music Award for this performance. The entire movie is so perfect. I can't believe that it got made. The gay angle is treated in a restrained manner, a bit similar to the Debra Winger film Mike's Murder. Jonathan Tucker who plays the teen slut is a new beauty to keep an eye on. Did I mention that co-director Scott McGehee has a really large penis---now you figure out how I know that.

Planet of the Apes - Who wanted to see Charleton "NRA" Heston running around in the original POTA in 1968? But I sure wanted to see Marky Mark in one, but he never takes off that damn space suit. You can see that fine pouty ass rearing and i mean rearing, but hey there is a reason it's called Show Bizness -- you gotta SHOW something so MM get on the program honey.

Chain Camera - One of the best documentarys i've ever seen. Some kids at Silver Lake's Marshall High were given cameras to record a week in their lives. The results are extroidi!!!!! My favorite is the pudgy latin fag who tells his straight friend he's not his type because he only likes white guys.

Bully - the downright champion film of 2001 with no other competition. I don't care what anyone else says about this film it is geniustra par excellente and Larry Clark is the best director on the planet right now. I sure wouldn't mind getting a butt baby from Brad Renfro, Nick Stahl or the hottest stud in the film, Ms. Bijou Phillips.

Laura Croft Tombraider -- I love Angelina Jolie, she's this century's Ava Gardner. This movie isn't good but I sure got a kick out of seeing her male co-star Daniel Craig (is that his name?) get out of the shower with that hot bod of his. Yummy.

Crazy/Beautiful -- I use to run around in the early to mid 80s at clubs in LA and New York with this films director John Stockwell. Back then he was a blondine ingenue. I'm really surprised that he got things right in this movie---he did his homework. The casting is so flawless it's braless! And Jay Hernandez the sexy Mexy lead is one incredible piece of cheesy chorizo---yum. Kirstin Durst ain't bad either, i loved the scene with her and her Congressman dad (a brilliant Bruce Davidson) finally having an earnest kidney to kidney. And one of the best things in this movie are the costumes by one of my dearest friends, the ultra talented wardrobe diva Susan "Suzette" Mathelson.

Here in Germany i saw a special screening of Patrice Chereau's new film Intimacy. It's Intimate alright --the action takes place in London where I just performed and involves a hot older man with a large penis who gets it on with this sexy votive long on the tooth woman. When they are having sex the movie is great but when the talking starts, it's dullsville. Marianne Faithful almost steals the movie with a supporting role. This film ain't no Queen Margot. Where's Isabelle Adjani when you need her?

With a Friend Like Harry -- This film by Dominik Moll i saw last year at the Cannes Film Festival and is a French psychological spiller with nutty homo sexy overtones. A hot dad played by juicy Lauent Lucas is driving in the countryside with his pretty wife Mathilde Seigner and their children of the corn brats. At a rest stop he bumps into Harry(Sergi' Lopez) an old school chum, he doesn't remember. Well frumpy Harry and his votive fiance Plum--the best movie name I've heard in a long time (played by the gorgeous Sophie Guillemin) start hanging around and things start to turn menacing in that great old french-a-fied hitchcocky way.

Adventures of Felix -- About a handsome Arab with an ugly french boyfriend who decides to hitchhike from Northern to Southern France in hopes of finding the sperm donor who abandoned his mother right before he was born. Of course being a French film nothing winds up being what you think it will. On his travels he creates a new family consisting of a heathrob younger brother (Charly Sergue) who wants him to fudgepack him, a sister, a cousin and a grandmother played by the Grande Dame of french musical hall Patachou who in my opinion steals the film and is quite micheveous and sexy.

Tomcats -- Jerry O'Connel is blurring the lines between mainstream actor and gay porno star. Everything about him screams Falcom Video Pac

Dude, Where's My Car? -- This movie is so dumb and bad, that it's actually brilliant! And the love scene between the two sexy male leads is definately worth the bargain mat price of admission.

The House of Mirth -- The guilded age in all its glittering Belle Epochian splendour. Terence Davies does a standout job adapting the Edith Wharton classic. Much better than what Martin Scorcese did with Age of Innocense. (What was he thinking casting Winona Ryder?) Gillian Anderson of X Files fame is delicious as tragedy diva Lily Bart who is both too smart and dumb for her own good. My only complaint is the pacing is a little off at times

Slouching Tiger, Burping Dragon or whatever it's called --the new Ang Lee film is certainly Bruce Lee Meets Emma at Mansefield Parks Sense and Shick Visibility AZT Center. I've never liked martial arts films but this movie made me want to sign up for some Tai Chi or at least drink a Mai Tai.

Dracula 2000 -- I'm sorry, but it's one of my guiltier than thou pleasures seeing films with attractive people getting butchered. That hot piece of Dinge, Omar Epps sure made one fine jubilee Vampyre---too bad he's buffyied early on-- it would have been a neat twist to have him and The Count who is a juicy Ewan McGregor'd Scotsman get down for some rigorous salt n peppa packing

The Grinch -- Judy La Bruce forced me at gunpoint to a matinee of this film while I was in Toronto doing a show. I was expecting to hate it, but was pleasantly surprised at all the creepy sexual overtones. Poor Christine Baranski -- she's the only one in the cast who didn't need any prosthetic make-up.

Quills -- I doubt that the lady in waiting to the Princess de Conde, lil missy Marie Eleanore de Maille de Carman could have imagined when she gave birth to little Donatien Alphonse Francois that he would one day be portrayed in a movie by ugly Geoffrey Rush. I loved director Phillip Kaufman's Unbearable Lightness of Being and Henry & June so I was prepared to like this film and I do!!!-- for the performances of the incredible Joaquin Phoenix (gotta love that hair lip) and Kate Winslet.

Unbreakable -- Mr. Bruce Willis--a thin red scar on his face called a mouth.

Taboo -- Issey Miyake saved my life. After modeling for him in 1981 in Japan he told me that i was too smart to be a model and introduced me to director Nagisa Oshima (best known in the US for "In The Realm of Senses") This, his first movie in upteenth years is a a rice queens delight. Set in 1865 its about a bunch of Samarai going bonkers over a fem looking young recruit named Sozaburo Kano. I didn't find him very irrisistible he looked too much like one of the girls in Pink Lady. The boy who did get my heart aflutter was the more masculine looking low level samahunk Hyozo Tashiro played by Tadanobu Asano. I had an affair with a japanese boy who looked just like him and he knew 145,000 different oriental positions for sex---"HI!" The music for this film was made by my other good friend Ryuichi Sakamoto and its Papi-son!

You Can Count On Me -- Features Laura Linney, who co-starred with me in Tales of the City, and Mark Ruffalo, who is just too adorable for words, and is very sexy even though he doesn't have a hot muscle body or drop-the-bottle-of-poppers gorgeous face. I hate children and I especially hate child actors but Macauley Culkin's youngest sibling almost steals the film. He has the same quality that Dean Stockwell had when he was young and starred in the classic The Boy With Green Hair.

Dancer in the Dark -- Lars Von Trier's latest had unsentimental me crying my eyes out. Bjork is beyond amazing and well I've been Lesbianic toward Catherine Deneuve for as long as I can remember. My guilty pleasure has always been her performance with Burt Reynolds in the 70s stinker Hustle (am I the only one who remembers this movie?) Dancer is one of the best musicals since Judy Garland's The Harvey Girls. I even think that David Morse is sexy in his tiny part. If you don't see this film I'll seek you out and kill you.

Charlie's Angels -- I adore Drew Barrymore. I use to baby sit her up until age 8 or so. Her mother is completely crazy and her father who use to be my next door neighbor was so demented he let a bunch of tired death rockers move in to his apartment while he was hospitalized and they trashed the place. Even Drew's spunk can't help this film. The director, who hails from commercials and videos, doesn't know what he's doing. Oh, and did I mention I hate Bill Murray, though he was good in that film Rushmore.

Book of Shadows -- Blair Witch 2 -- I hated the first Blair Witch movie. I thought it was way tired. Good thing I don't have to pay to see movies or I would have been royally pissed with the first Blair. How dare they rip of the WB tv show Charmed. That's where they get the title Book of Shadows. If I was Shannon Doherty I'd sue.

Requim for A Dream -- I hate Jared Leto. He is too cute for his own good. And takes himself really seriously. He came to my club Sucker once and was such an actor. I like his brother much better. Oh and Jared flirted with me so that his band could play my club. All actors are whores, that's for sure. I don't know what poor Cameron Diaz sees in him. But this film by sexy Darren Aronofsky is hot. Jennifer Connelly is another actress that I have saaphic desire for and skinny Marlon Wayans is even good suprisingly. The gem though is Ellen Burstyn who gets more extreme looking as the movie progresses. A wow on all counts. PS--Louise "Mary Hartman" Lasser is stellar in a support spot. I give this my highest Rona Barrett recom!!!

The Legend of Bagger Vance -- I loved Robert Redford's Ordinary People which won Timothy Hutton an Oscar. (Tim went to Fairyfax High school with my best girlfriend Fertile La Toyah Jackson) This movie about the most boring sport in the world -- Golf -- should have focused its energy on the romance between Will Smith and Matt Damon. My spies tell me the chemistry continued after the cameras stopped rolling to the chagrin of Charlize Theron who wanted to chug-a-lug on that pretty dinge willy of La Willy Smitty, but thats another story.

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