Speaking From the Diaphragm
The Vaginal Davis Blog
. . .From the Counsel of Inter-Continental Balistic Principalities
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
DISASSOCIATIVE SPARKLE
My little young blonde neighbor Jonathan Wuermeling is so cute and bubbly with a great personality. He is from Stuttgard, and is attending business school in Berlin. He just celebrated his 19th birthday, and i met his sweet friends all warm , genuine and personable. He was an exchange student in Kentucky so he speaks English with a Southern dialect which is quite charming for a German. His school year ended so he went back to his hometown and will return to Berlina in October. My only other neighbor in the hinter haus is on the 1st floor, a woman who has lived in the building for over 35 years. She´s a bit shy but very friendly. I´m lucky i have a shower in my apartment lavatory. For over three decades my poor neighbor has had to take whore baths. Billie Ray Martin, the singer of the international club hit from the mid 90s “Loving Arms” was living two floors below me. Billie´s real name is Birgit Diekmann and she is from Hamburg. David Harrow of Technova who i collaborated with a few years ago on the album Electrosexual also worked with Billie on her hit record. I like Billie Ray, she is quite a talent, but the poor girl is somewhat of a dark cloud. I have to admit i was glad she moved out of the building. An Italian waiter also moved, probably because Billie was constantly complaining about the noise he made. I never once saw him. A gay Brazillian boy moved in after him, but i´ve only seen him once, maybe he moved too. I guess i am lucky that in my apartment building there are no drunken crusties. Both Tim and Kjohnny Blue have alcoholic German crusties in their apartment houses, and believe me you dont want to have to deal with a sour piece of crust.
The other night i went by Frankenstein 5000 and a lot of the Turkish boys were bringing their girlfriends to the bar. I guess thats the first step in coming out in that community. Some white fags also brought women, which is quite an unusual sight in a cruise bar. A few of the more adventurous gals were taking a stroll through the basement dark room. I love it when the ladies infiltrate a male sex space. There should be more of that, as darkrooms in Berlin for the most part are pretty pathetic. Havings some feminine energy in them would liven things up a bit
I am getting a little irritated by this trend of institutions like collleges, universities, film festivals and museums in the states contacting me for information, or wanting screener copies of my experimental film ouvre but not bringing me out for a presentation , Don´t waste my time and the time of my faithful assistants Andrea Novarin, Verle Oberon and Gleeson Brevard. Listen out there in cyberland and listen good. Don´t contact me unless you have a firm offer on the table i have to pay rent just like everyone else, so why would i respond to anything that doesnt offer me a guaranteed honorarium. And please dont insult me by asking for something for free . And this goes for all you crafty careerist academics. I am not flattered by your wanting to write about me, of course you want to write about someone interesting. In academia if you dont publish you are in great peril. I cant tell you how sick i am of these academics who write to my staff requesting me for a visiting artist gig and start off saying how little of a budget they have. That will get you no where. Join forces with several departments and raise an appropriate budget before you approach one of my representatives. I use to work at UCLA and i know how the system works.
While i´m venting Printed Matter and the NY Art Book Fair have been contacting me asking me questions about Fertile La Toyah Jackson Magazine. One of the young assistants working with AA Bronson got me a little peeved when in one of his emails he asked me to send some original writing, and they would consider it . . .like i was soliciting them or something. Darlings you contacted me, i didnt contact you. I spoke to Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts,and he also was put off by this kid, so i don´t think i was being too sensitive. Us Black drag queens are notorious for being easily offended, so dont committ a faux pas with us. When i use to work at the LA Weekly the movie studios would call all the time wanting us to send them old articles, that they were thnking about making a movie of. I would tell them to go to the LA Public Library and research it themselves, or pay me as a consultant. It would have been nice if the the NYArt Book Fair had flown me out, hired me as a DJ or speaker or something. Throw us old gals a bone or two.
ALICE LEBT HIER NICHT MEHR
Had brunch with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, our last before he goes off on another European tour. Joel is also looking for a new apartment as he is sick of living in trendy gentrified Prenzlauerber. We ate at Melitta Sunstrum in the Mehringdamm area. In the hof behind the cafe was some drag event. Later in the evening i went by Frankenstein 5000 and saw the German man that Tim Blue and i call “The Chin”. I swear this guy has the largest chin in the world, he looks just like the 60s cartoon character Dudley Dooright. I´ve seen him during the day and he is a gay version of the popular Neu Kölln crustie. A crusties job is to drink morning, noon and night and they have a great work ethic when it comes to this occupation.
Got an email from a young fan of my movie reviews. I still get invited to screenings of European and Hollywood films, here in Berlin, but don´t always make comment on these pics. But since i was asked here goes:
The Nanny Diaries-Not a good film, but Chris Evans as the male romantic interest looks meaty and very chewable. Lesbian singer Alicia Keys steals every scene she is in. Not even pros like Laura Linney and Paul Giamatti can help this wussy of a feature. I like Scarlette Johanssen. One day she will be a good actress, she is personable, attractive and has a great screen presence like Lana Turner during her ingenue years in the early 1940s in films like Johnny Eager.
Hancock-I actually liked Tom Cruise´s black well endowed lover Will Smith in this mess of an action six reeler. Poor Charlize Theron seems embarrased, and i don´t blame her having to play the wife of Jason Bateman..
Mamma Mia-Where is Nancy Walker when you need her? Nancy directed the Village People in Can´t Stop the Music in 1980. She should have been at the helm of this Dullywood musical.
EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT
Wir varen mal kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo-Yes the famous Christiane F. is now at age 46 a junky celebrity once again, but this time a Kottbusser Tor crusty at the Kottbusser Tor U-bahn station in Kreuzberg. Don’t I keep you all abreast of all the important facts and tidbits?
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 2:55 AM
Friday, August 15, 2008
WARTIKA HEPBURN
Went to Frankenstein 5000 with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim and his super sexy lover Piero Bonnehomme, of the Piero Collezione. Danny and Piero were already drunk, when i joined them at the bar. They had been to a fancy dinner in Charlottenberg, hosted by two septegenarian lovers who made their fortune selling stamps to the likesis of Queen Elizabeth of England.
Ran into Fred, the American lighting designer who worked with us on Cheap´s It Happened to Me back in 2005. Fred has lived in Berlin for over 20 years and is the housequeen of Frankenstein 5000. There were actually a lot of people at the pub. I guess with the summer tourist season they have been experiencing an upswing with attendence. A few years ago someone OD´d in the darkroom and no one noticed the dead body till the early morning. Only in Berlin kids.
On the video screen they were playing a Bel Ami blue movie starring a Michael Phelps look-a-like who even had la lady Phelps lanky frame and size 14 feet. Yowza!
Looking forward to the Sunscreens Summer Experimental Film Festival at the Arsenal that will take place August 29-31st. Mark your calenderia for Aug 30th as kollective Cheap will provide the accompanyment to the Germaine Dulac film La Souriante Madame Beudet (1923) as part of a special Rising Stars, Falling Stars. And the Arsenal is going through a major shift with a name change to the Arsenal Research Center for Film and Video. Arsenal will involve themselves with more educational programs and other scholarly pursuits with an international focus. The new Arsenal premieres November 1st.
Nancy Barton, one of my old LA pals from the early 1980s is now a dean with the NYU Art School, and one of her young students in their program is visiting and working in Berlin for the summer. Her name is Mila Geisler and she is part German and Korean, a gorgeous statuesque beauty with a bright and winning personality. She spent some time with me at the Cheese Endique Trifecta and we had a blast together and i gave her some high heel training. She also took me to dinner around the corner at the cafe Toughstein where we had a hoot of a time. Ms. Geisler has a hunky ex-Marine for a boyfriend who is playing himself in the HBO drama Generation Kill. His name is Rudy Reyes and he is the personafication of manliness. If you don´t believe me go to his web site at www.RudyReyes.com.
Had a drink with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras before he met with Peaches at some club in Mitte that was playing rap music from the year 1988. They wanted me to join them, but my old knock knee problem raised its ugly head as well as some projectile diahrrea, so a hippity hop evening was decidedly out of the question.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 10:50 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
CORVA BICTIM
Everyone is visiting Berlin these days now that the city has a hip cache, and this summer I´ve had a plethora of Californians dropping by. Yesterday Mr. Tom Christie, the Arts Editor of the LA Weekly stopped by my Cheese Endique Trifecta with his young lady friend Mara. We had a hoot of a time gossiping about former collegues and what not, and drinking wine spritzers. Mr. Christie´s son is now 19 and his daughter 16. I remember when they were little children roaming the halls of the Sunset & Highland LA Weekly offices. The Weekly has now moved to Culver City. Who´s decision was that? Not a smart choice if you ask me. By moving the offices to the westside, it completely undermines what the paper has always been about, but then again, its not about anything these days so perhaps its fitting. Mr. Christie´s son is best friends with Bela Messex, who is the oldest child of Kim Jones and Monty Messex who were just visiting me a few weeks before i had my performances in London. Bela will be in Berlin for the entire summer like last year. He and Mr. Christie´s son will be hanging out together. I really adored Mr. Christie´s ex-wife Claire, she was very glamorous and sultry, reminding me of the actress Joan Bennett.
Mr. Christie use to live in the same artist compound in Silverlake on Sanborn Street where Ron Athey has now lived for over a decade. Its a very famous grouping of bungalows. Jon Bok, the artist who designed the interiors of all the House of Blues nightclubs all over the world use to live there, and artist Larry Pittman was shot by a gang banger at the location.
My old partner from Club Sucker Frank Rodriguez and his beautiful ginger boyfriend Patrick, who is a talented artist, are coming to town either at the end of this week or the beginning of the next. I haven´t been on speaking terms with Frank for many years, but its all placentia water under the bridge now that i live abroad, so it will be nice to see him and his smoldering hot lover.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 4:51 AM
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
SLUGGISH GONAD
Still receiving tons of emugs from England about my recent shows there, and also an avalanche of responses from the You Tube trailer/preview of my new experimental film series "DeRohan Chabot". I am kindof weirded out by You Tube, Facebook and all these modernist inventions. I guess i am just too old school for my own good.
Mr. Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern sent some pics of my Pink Mass performance, and i look kinda cute surrounded by mylar balloons. Very Warholia. I am missing London very much. They have some tired art fags and such, but there are so many international beauties roaming that olde town. One great memory that keeps flooding my brainiac is the sublime luncheon Stuart took Dominic Johnson, Dean Samashima and i to at Victoria Park where we ate next to a glorious Trumpeter Swan pond, as a summer shower cooled us off.
Yesterday i ran around with Joel "Baby Diaper" Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. Joel showed me some new art work that will be in a show he's having in Berlin along with G.B.Jones and Christophe Chemin. He also let me see the new short film he directed and its major Ms. Gorgeous. That Joel is a brilliant musician, filmmaker and beauty boy. It doesnt get better then that. Sunday i had brunch with Anna Muelter, the it girl of the Hebbel Theatre. Anna is pure joy, and i always have a fun time with her, plus she knows how to take care of her Ms. Davis doll.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 2:00 AM
Saturday, August 09, 2008
CLAMSTEAD HEATH
Returned to Berlin in the midst of a heatwave. Yucky! Went immediately into a coma, and slept what seemed like days. Got a cute email from Ms. Bee Shaffer, the vivacious daughter of Vogue Magazines Anna Wintour. Bee was sorry she and her mother missed my Bistrotheque shows, as they were in London, but she tells me that Agyness Deyn and handsome record producer Mark Ronson were there and heard me sing "Tom Cruise Loves Woman", and that Mr. Ronson is dying to work with me on a music project. What that means i have no idea, and the thought is a little scary to say the least. I met Anna Wintour and her daughter through designer Rick Owens, and they get a kick out of my irreverence, as they have no one in their lives quite like me. They will be coming to Berlin soon, staying at the Hotel de Rome, so I am sure they will take me out to a nice fancy din din, where we will spend the evening gossiping, gossiping and then more gossip.
While in London i had a fun time zipping about town with the Tate Modern´s Stuart Comer. Stuart use to be a regular at my mid 90s sexy punk rock beer bust Club Sucker. Back then he worked at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles and lived in the famous Abortion House of the Stars in the Silverlake Hills right next to the Shakespeare Troll Bridge and up the street from John Marshall High School. Clint Eastwood also lived in the house in the late 1950s, and i used it as a location for my Woody Allen "Interiors" parody in my short film The White to Be Angry in the section titled "Riche Jewish Husband".
While in Missy England i was givin copies of Dik Fagazine from Warsaw and Pablo International Magazine which features another Club Sucker regular Tall Paul Gellman on the cover.
Getting a million emails from people responding to my new short film series DeRohan Chabot. The trailer is on You Tube, and i showed one of the films in the series at Bistrotheque where it got a thunderous response.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 12:14 PM
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
CORNFED, CORNHOLE & CORNWALL
I am still in merry old queen mumdom of England. Last night was the last of my events with this residency at The Bistrotheque. My performance which was called The Ginger Concubine was a total mess from beginning to end, but somehow it all worked. How i don't know. Bistrotheque is an art cabaret, and high end restaurant with delicious food. Last night there was a host of celebutants that included British artist Tracey Emin and her new beau actor Orlando Bloom. You get your gnut Miss Tracey, who is my age, Mr. Bloom being a youthquaking fleshpot. There is more to tell, but i have to run and get a smidgeon to eat with Dominic Johnson, and the Love Camel.
***
Back from munching out at this cute little lesbianic cafe in SoHo. The only place in the area where people are friendly. It was nice spending time with Dom and Love Camel. Love Camel helped me tremendously with all three shows, creating a special Ginger Appreciation video, and securing some spectacular photos of humpy ginge delights. He also created the before and after the show music, as well as my performance soundtrack, that consisted of Cambodian, Thai and Turkish surf rider sounds. Love Camel's day job is with the British Film Institute. The Camel has been devoted to the Vaginal Davis doll since i first met him in Milan in 1996.
Dom Johnson who is one of the youngest most beautiful academics in Britain teaches at Queen Mary College, and hosted me on this trip for two glorious nights at his South London compound that i like to call Edith Wharton Estates. The last few nights were spent with Mr. Comer and his new young gentleman caller Nicholas, a 22 year old St. Martins grad who looks like a young Montgomery Cliff (circa the Heiress)crossed with Andrew Cunanan .
Getting back to the audience at my show. I had a spirited bunch that included the entire Lesbian Soccer Team that professor Jennifer Doyle hung with while she was in Britain, also famed scholar Rachel "Savage Theory"Moore, with her drop dead gorgeous daughter, and her sexy young pals who all just graduated from Goldsmith College, and were in a high celebratory mood. Studly academe Gavin Butt, was looking particularly desireable, along with Susanne of No Bra fame, performance artist Oreet Ashery, Yusi Etiman and the other members of the Basso collektive, luscious Karol & Pawel from Dic Fagazine of Warsaw, artist Henrik Olesen, Elias Redstone, the director of Architechture Foundation, Benjamin Alexander Huseby, the bi-continental Norweigan artsticle, Kamal Ackarie of Forma, who produced Charles Atlas' work with Antony and the Johnsons, delightful Lee Adams of Club Kaos with his sweet lookalike life partner. I don´t know how so many people fit in the space, but also seen was Sarah McCrory of Studio Voltaire and the Publishing Fair, humpalicious Craig Garrett, DJ at the Cock and editor at Phaidon with super sizzle of a girlfriend Connie and pal. Craig and i go back with each other as he is the platonic lover of Andrew Gould, who i use to do Bricktops with in LA. Craig is one of the most manly looking men alive and has a penis that is 24 centimeters long. Mike Skinner of the Streets, with well endowed Skaly lad looking artist Jim Richards, who had a show at the ICA where he made these blankets with images of Keith Haring and his blatino lovers and gallerists. Leave it to the ICA to adore art that only makes reference to the sacred monied $cash bovines of the art world.
David, who manages the Bistrotheque with his lover Pablo Leon de la Barra, formerly of the Blow de la Barra Gallery was sweet and well organized, and made me feel very welcome during the residency. We worked well together, and i'd love to come back and do something again at the space which was great with a delightful staff of booty pies, including a tall Lithuanian barkeep who really floated my proverbial boat.
Sunday i hosted and DJ'd the Butt Magazine Salty Dog Beer Bust, and boy was there a lot of people milling about dwinking and such. The party mix of Tim Blue visuals really kept the crowd in awe and some photographers were using it as a backdrop for portraits all night. I wore the wrong outfit for such a warm afternoon event. I shouldn't have worn my Rick Owens dress with a catsuit under it. Really, what was i thinking? After about an hour behind the wheels of steel doing my spinderella take, i turned into a sweat beast, looking uglier then a Kottbusser Tor crusty. Dom and I joined Mr. Comer and old LA pal turned international arts grifter Maynard Monroe up in the restaurant for a hearty gourmand meal. Maynard is the bastard daughter of Marilyn and JFK, his mother didn't die of an overdose as reported in the media but giving birth to him.
Saturday was my first night of the residency where i performed and hosted the Pink Mass for Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern. The evening was beyond packed with a who ´s who of names beginning with Nils Norman, artist and friend of the late Colin de Land, Alice Rawsthorn, the design critic with the Hearst International Paper and New York Times, Catherine Wood, performance curator with the Tate Modern, Vanessa DeSclaux, hot French curator, Charles Atlas, art historian Clair Bishop, Dale Cornish, Christian Marclay, Jop of Butt Magazine, Dean Samashima Yusi of Basso, Conrad Ventur of Useless Magazine, Joe Scotland, editor of Frieze Magazine Jennifer Higgie, ICA curator Mark Sladen, with his boyfriend Garrett, Karl Kolbitz Wolfgang Tilman's studio manager who is the hunkiest most beautiful German skinhead i have ever seen in my life with a taunt rack of death and translucent skin, Paul Bernstock and Thelma Spiers the famed Milliners to Boy George and Kylie, Stefan Kalmar the director of the Munich Kunstverker, and lover of dancer Michael Clark, DJ Jon Jo, artists Daniel Sinsel, Merlin Carpenter, Josephine Pryde, Hilary Lloyd, Pablo Bronstein, visual artist who does conceptual dance pieces, Joe Moran, who does the same thing as Pablo and is very Sloan Ranger in a cute Hugh Grant kind of way. Conor Donlon of Conor Donlon Bookshop, which is below Wolfgang Tilman's studio and is the best bookstore in London according to John Waters and many others.
Have to stop here as i have to finish packing and try to make it to Lisa Stansfield Aeroport in time for my flight back to Berlina. Special thanks to Love Camel, Dom Johnson, Stuart Comer, David and the Bistrotheque Btheque Gang and super beautiful Priscila Matano, the incredible Brazilian makeup artist who beat me a fine face for the performances.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 3:23 AM
Friday, August 01, 2008
YOU BUILT THIS CITY
Marc Arthur and i finally started editing the series of movies we shot featuring the new hot art sensation DeRohan Chabot. Marc put a teaser for the project on You Tube, so please check it out and tell me what you think. I will be showing a few of the work-in-progress rough cuts to an audience in London at Bistrotheque Tuesday night as part of my new piece "Vaginal Davis is Looking For the Perfect Ginger Concubine". My residency at Bistrotheque begins Saturday night at 9pm with the "Pink Mass" in conjunction with Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern, and then Sunday i host, DJ and perform at the Butt Magazine Salty Dog Party. Looking forward to being in Ms. Merry ole Englandy, as i do need a bit of a break from Berlin. I love Berlin, but no matter what city you live in its a must to get a new perspective on things.
Loved working with Marc Arthur on the DeRohan project. Marc is so smart, funny and talented. And he has a large penis---- hurray for him!
***
Danny Hendrickson, the Scandinavian Muslim invited me over for a delicious Mexicale feast with him and his super sizzling Italo/German boyfriend Piero Bellehomme. The two of them were making me laugh out loud as they filled me in on the latest Berlin gossip that is too scandalous to report in this here blogina. You know the gossip must be something else if i am refraining to report on it. Well, i can´t tell you everything.
Got a nice letter from the sexy brilliantly provacative art photog Mattias Herrmann, who is a fan of my blog, and sent me some lovely encouraging words. I am always surprised that anyone would want to read my insane ramblings on a regular basis. Most popular blogs have dozens of pics and are part of high tech websites. My presence in cyber land is purposely kept simple, and i guess thats why it stands out, it doesn´t look like anything else that is out there. I´m so granny auntiela old school, i´m new school in a way. Special thanks to Larry Bob and Marc Arthur who maintain the web page, i don´t know what i would do without their love and faithful support.
***
Threw an impromptu party at the Cheese Endique Trifecta to welcome Ms. Kim "Joyride"Jones and her husband Monty Messex to Berlin. They brought their gorgeous boys Bela, age 19 and Max age 15 with them. What a joyous hoot we all had, I´m sure my neighbors are cursing me because of all the screaming that went on past midnight. I got up at 6am yesterday to prepare for my London trip so that i could devote the evening to the Messex clan. Also on hand was delightful Marc Arthur and his hungthrob French lover Nicolai, and pretty Joana, one of my Weissensee students and her rock star boyfriend Axel, who is from Australia and had everyone rolling on the floor with his adorable Aussie gallows humour.
So great seeing Kim Jones, who i go way back with. Back before the floods. She and i use to write gossip for the old LA Weekly column LA Dee Da. She was Joyride, and i was Denning Taylor, which is actually my nephews name. His full name is Mark Denning Taylor. He was named after the actor Richard Denning who starred in "The Incredible Shrinking Man". Kim use to hang back then with Donita Sparks of L7 fame, and was in the pre-L7 band The Shrews. Kim and Donita wore some of the cutest outfits that were very late 60s/early 70s inspired with a whimsical punk twist. Those girls had the best fashion sense, and were always the pure life of any party or event. Especially the big Slash Records Christmas parties in the 80s. Kim & Donita were very pranksterish, and Kim could especially get away with murder because she was so darn cute and had southern charm. I believe she is from Tennessee originally. She also use to be the girlfriend of Anthony "The Swan" Kieidis of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. One of these days Kim and i should collaborate on a book about life in LA in the 1980s post punk scene. It would be a best seller to say the least. Kim´s husband Monty use to be the hottest punk boy on Melrose Avenue when he worked at Flip of Hollywood. Everyone wanted him, he was just perfection, and the nicest kid originally from the working class suburb of El Monte or West Covina, one of those bedroom communities south east of downtown LA. Back in the day his girlfriend was Valerie Vaughn who was the most stylish punkette. She and Ron Athey ruled the punk boutique Poseur, and Valerie was like a sex kittenish Jubileepunque Lana Turner in deconstructed sweatersets, all her outfits were far superior to anything worn by punk rocker girls at the time. Madonna even stole a few fashion ideas from Valeri, but of course Madge never had the wicked sense of humour and style sense that placed Ms. Vaughn way ahead of the bell hook curve, let me tell you.
Kim and Monty looked really good, and it was lovely to have a little inter-generational soiree. Everyone was gettting along like they had known each other for years, which is the proper way to mix it up at a houseparty. I hardly ever go to houseparties in Berlin as people tend to stay in cliques, and few German hosts ever provide formal social introductions. Its not part of the culture. I like to plan parties in the manner of the great continental hostess Elsa Maxwell, and she has never failed me.
***
Correction. Correction. Yes Vaginal Davis actually makes mistakes in this hear blog, and when i do they are always stupid. In a report on my Rising Stars event and Tangram Aktuel party is said that Angelika Ramlov is the gal pal of Nanna Heidenreich of Arsenal Experimental. In fact its Angie Baby who is Nanna´s significant other. Somehow i thought that Angelika Ramlov and Angie Baby were the same person, you know Angie short for Angelika. I am such a dunce! Sorry to all parties affected. Kissy
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 12:54 AM
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