Speaking From the Diaphragm
The Vaginal Davis Blog
. . .From the Counsel of Inter-Continental Balistic Principalities
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
PLANTATION LULLABY
Parlour Club bar dom, Ms. Kimberly Kim treated Andrew of Gould and I to a farewell luncheon. I adore Kim, she's so beautiful and sweet, and makes killer drinks that everyone talks about. She has so many admirers, and without her Bricktops would be dull dull dullard. It was so nice socializing outside of the bar, which is something a rarely get to do with the staff who help make Bricktops the amazing club that it is.
Went to the Silent Movie Theatre to see William DeMille's "Miss Lulu Betts" William is Cecil B.'s older brother. The movie was very entertaining in a extremely old fashioned way that i love. Silent movies are so modern in many ways, they were ahead of their time and quite superior to talkies. My favorite part was when the heroine asks a suitor if he is a Miss Mister. or a Mrs. Mister---trying to find out if he's married or not. The other films on the bill were two amazing shorts by Harry Langdon and Buster Keaton and a Coco the Clown cartoon that was very multi-media combining stop action, animation and live action. I haven't been to the Silent Movie Theatre since the old owner was killed by his hustler lover. Some nutty opportunist actor type bought the place and its lost its focus, but he did restore the building and its nice and clean with great pillows for those hard high school auditorium seats. The piano player who accompanies the films is excellent. The new owner even tried warbling a tune, which was a little irritating. He was trying to dress period, but my advice to him is ditch the Nike Tennis shoes. He should also get rid of the boy who sells popcorn. I asked him where the bathroom was and the rude pipsqueek told me where it was but added make sure to pee in the urinal and not on the bathroom floor. Paying $15 to see a movie at this theatre does not entitle one to such treatment.
***
This just in from my movie critic pal who just came back from a film festival in Oregon.
1) The one place in America where there are NO Mexicans
2) NO hip-hop, not even a flimsy partial fingerprint of it. Went to their local YMCA one day to get in a workout and they had the radio tuned to John Mayer -- to which I could've sworn I heard an old cracka mutter under his breath about niggra music.
3) Ashland's gotta be ground-zero for the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen fanbase.
4) Five Negroes total, including me. Although I did keep seeing these kids who were clearly biracial -- I mean, they were a half-shade darker than Mariah Carey but had kinky blonde hair, blue-green eyes, and Negroesque noses. But I kept seeing them by themselves, one at a time, about six kids total. Just wandering through downtown Ashland, ranging in ages from about 6 - 14. Never a sign of a parent. Never even in groups of two or anything. Just one at a time, cropping up in random places. Some weird mulatto childdren of the corn shit.
5) There was no ass gotten in Ashland...
Paz y amor,
E
***
O and a little correction. The cast of the Golden Calf Spectacle at Bricktops the other week included: Penny Starr Jr, Pleasant Gehman and Miette
Maxwell as The Slave Girl.
***
and this just in from Billy Miller from STH Magazine:
V,
hi.
perhaps you're already en route but,
am a wonderin' if the video got dere...?
and,
wanted to tell you that i gave yer e-mail address to Gert Yonkers (of BUTT) who asked me for your contact info as he wants you to write something -i think- for his mag.
have just awaken from a dream....in it i was waiting for a ride outside a walled compound.
the rest of the dream -that i can remember- was so phantasmagoric that it would take up a whole lot of space to even begin to describe -but if was on the creepy side.
it's sunny today and is a good time for me to get a Mumbai-style mixed vegetable sandwich from the Indian strip a few blocks from here...
wub,
beeeweee
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 10:40 AM
Monday, April 04, 2005
A CRAZY CORRECTION
One of my media saavy pals emugged me to say i got a name wrong on the old bloga. The portly Danish fellow i met at Bricktops with Rudy Bleu was actually Senior from the the musical group Junior Senior and not Junior as i relayed it. Of course i had no clue as to who he was at the time i was talking to him, someone told me later. I hardly ever recognize anyone who comes to Bricktops as my eyesight is horrible. Thank you to all who email me every week on who's who at the club. I really depend on you.
***
Saturday i had a Cholita reunion at the spacious Mount Washington compound of Alice Bag and "Jailbait" Velasquez. The reason for the get-to-gether was to film a documentary on Cholita's influence as an undergound musical force in LA. The filmmaker is non other then Michele "Meesh" Mills, a former Cholita and one talented and gorgeous lady who created the girl art gang The Epiladies. Meesh's day job is associate producer for the reality TV show, America's Next Top Model starring supermodel Tyra Banks. Meesh is a pop culture affeccionado, so working on TV is a perfect fit for her many and varied talents. They'd be smart to have her create a brand new show or concept---she's one of the most brilliant, clever people i know. It was fantastic seeing all the Cholitas and Vanidades girls again. The elusive Fertile La Toyah Jackson came by with wife Yadi Delicious. Sexy Machaca Kahn told me her 18 year old son is off to NYU Film school. I remember when he was a baby. Also Marina Del Rey, Heidi, keyboard player Melanie and her hubby Tom--- we all hung out for hours after filming drinking Margaritas and just having a hoot of a time---Cholita style.
This note from Michael Lucid of Pretty Things fame.
hey vag!
i read in your blog that you came by the market for a
pupusa visit, and i was gone! indeed, sadly i lost
that job --- as you know, i wasn't the most ardent
pasta salesman, but nonetheless i really miss the job.
at least it's good to know that my replacement is
sporting a very fine bubble butt for all the market to
admire.
i went to the slamdance film festival in january to
screen "mulberry commons," and when i came back, my
pasta boss called me to say "don't bother coming back
to work."
i tried to turn the tables, so i called him back to
say, "actually i'm really busy these days, so i won't
have time to work at the market anymore." i sure
showed him!
now i'm the private tutor for brian wilson's adopted
daughters (ages 6 and 7). what a crazy household! they
have 12 dogs running around their bel aire tract home
mansion. i hope carnie stops by sometime.
it sounds like you have so many projects going on,
that's so great! i hope that funding works out for you
and deadlee.
meanwhile, we're still cranking out the "pretty
things." we're almost done making our DVD of all of
our previous episodes. we even made a documentary
featurette, in which a pair of savvy lady journalists
(played by us) interview the real us.
comedic AND informative!
i really miss our sunday morning pupusa chat fests!
i hope to see you very soon, and i hope that all's
well with you ---
michael
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 12:31 PM
Sunday, April 03, 2005
BOOTY WHIPPED
Leave it to Missy LA for a new phenomena. Yes over the years i've noticed two hunky window washers carrying a bucket and large squeegy, one is black, light skinned and very muscular and i've seen him going from store-to-store in the Melrose Avenue Fashion District between Fairfax and LaBrea, cleaning the windows of the tacky store fronts.
Melrose use to be a hip fashion forward street. I even worked at a store called Retail Slut back in the early 1980s. That store was the longest running of the old guard Melrose, but they sadly closed shop recently. I haven't seen the hunky black window washer in a few years, since i hardly ever go in that part of town, but when i did see him he'd be working usually Saturday in the late morning. I couldn't tell if he was homeless or not. Street window washing is usually a homeless person's profession though.
The other hunky window washer is a strawberry blondine, somewhat short(everyone is short to me, because I'm 6'6") and wears a tight tank tops and sprayed on jeans. His juicy bubble butt can barely be contained by the fabric of the pants. He is stunning, with very nice skin, clear eyes and just breathtaking. He doesn't appear to be very approachable though. I've seen him on Hollywood Blvd taking the bus or just walking, and he's caught me staring at him on many occasions and has given me a dirty look, but gosh, when you present your self in such a fashion you can't blame people for staring, ---granted my Cornelius/John Wayne Gacy glare is a bit disturbing. I haven't seen him in over two years, then Magically Friday, with the weather in the 80s, on my way to rehearsal at the Parlour Club via picking up costumes from the dry clearners i saw him washing the windows of the trendy restaurant/bar O-Bar that use to be the Raincheck Room, West Hollywood's only straight bar back in the 70s and early 80s. The bar has gone through many metamorphises, and its latest incarnation seems to be surviving quite nicely. At first i didn't recognize him, as O-Bar has lots of good looking young men who work there, but then it dawned on me that no o-Bar beauty would prostrate himself in such a non-statusy way, and i realized it was the famous blonde bubble butt window washer of yore. He caught me staring at him and gave me the evil hairy eyeball. Its been quite a few years since i've last seen him. He only emerges in the Spring and Summer. I really can't tell how old he is. He could be early 20's or early 30s. I gather he is in his late 20s to early 30s, but gives off a boyishly youthful appearance. This was the first time i actually saw him washing a store window, which surprised me, in that i figured it was just a ruse, and that his main profession was a male prostitute. Of course street prostitution is practicly unheard of these days. The revamping of Santa Monica Blvd and the internet killed it. The only ones you see on the street these days plying their trade, are tranny girls and the blatinos and jubas jubilees on Nigg Alley at the east end of Santa Monica Blvd. I would love to think that he is a window washing hustler. If he is, its a very clever way of presenting oneself in a kinky, humble fashion. When i lived on Sunset Blvd, i'll always remember the clever hookers that would dress like business women in very tight skirt suits with glasses carrying a brief case. Oh and one smart lassy was even wheeling down the strip with a stroller! Very Weimar Berlin.
This boy is so attractive that he could easily be kept by an elderly gentleman, and not have to work a day in his life, so its odd that he is doing this. I know there is a story here. He's too cleancut to be homeless, and doesn't look like a drug addict or any kind of derelict that I've ever encountered. I placed a call to the O-Bar and the man who answered their reservation line, said that the general manager also noticed him, and hired him. He gave me the manager's email, and i've contacted him, and now I'm waiting for a reply. If anyone out their in cyber blogland could give me some information please email my assistant at gleebrevard@aol.com. I'll love you forever. My editor at the LA weekly thinks the story will make a good piece in the Considerable Town section.
***
Last week at Bricktops, the gifted artist Cory Marie began selling the limited edition Bricktops posters she designed. Her cute pal Candice Kim was helping her. The posters feature Madame Bricktops, and they were a bonafide hit.
Madame Bricktop also reunited with her grandson Mr. Uncertain for a wild rock opera salute to their unorthodox relationship. The theme of the evening was Felix the Cat Night, interspecies love. Burlesque ingenue Penny Starr Jr, and her pagan gang of saaphic sisters that included Augusta, punk princess Pleasant Gehman and Christina performed an ancient druid wiccan Spring Equinox ritual that was outlandish and sexy.
The celebs included Miss Buxom herself, Jane Cantillon of Entertainment Tonight, a bevy of Velvet Hammer beauties, Jedediah Smith and his lady love Reoux, photog Carol Sheridan, KXLU's Rev Dan, hunky heiress Andrew Sears, Portland Oregon's The Decemberists, Silverlake artist Vinzula, with Ariel and his pretty wife Pam, handsome Nigerian actor Chiwetel Ejiofer (Dirty Pretty Things and Woody Allen's "Melinda et Melinda) with French screen vixen Ludivine Sagnier of the new movie "La Petite Lili".
This last Friday was Margaret Dumont and the Marx Brothers nite, and our special guest was the divine Mink Stole. Mink was accompanied by the brilliant Kristian Hoffman. Mink is such a trooper, she was suffering from a bad cold, but was still able to belt out the hits in French and German, riviting the crowd of Bricktops kids. She really knows how to take command of a stage. What an electra-fying evening it was. Her many admireres included Ben Taylor (Carly Simon and James Taylor's major Ms. Gorgeous singing son)Mark Simon of Samuel French and The Boyfriend fame, Rudy Blue with Senior or Junior/Senior, Mary Pagone with beau Sasha---they are LA's dreamiest couple, and next week Mary celebrates her 24th birthday. Happy B day honey! The enchanting Melissa Sexchester was turning a lot of male heads with her slinky, sexy self, Sears heir Andrew Sears was also doing his smoldering manliness jaunt through the backroom boydello, and Madame Bricktop got a nice kiss from British hungthrob matinee idol James Purefoy---What a great name!
Shauna Leone was the guest DJ and she played so many exciting 20's songs that kept all the purists in complete glee.
***
Saw the new Queen Latifah movie Beauty Shop. Its actually really cute, for a unabashed mainstream product. I didn't buy the Queen with hunky African, Djimon Housou as her love interest. She seemed better paired with Mena Suvari or a badly miscast Alicia Silverstone as her lovers. Poor Alicia Silverstone. She was great in the movie Clueless, but just hasn't been able to shine in anything else. She was so awful in that movie musical of Shakespeare's Loves Labour Lost. I remember running into Allessandro Nivola and him also agreeing with me that she's the worst actress. I have to get Allessandro and his actress wife Emily Mortimer to do something at Bricktops. They are local kids, living in Echo Park. I just watched, for the second time Allesandro, in the movie of Jane Austin's Mansfield Park and he was excellent.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 5:37 PM
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